joke, husband store

>> THE HUSBAND STORE
>>
>> A store that sells husbands has just opened in Dallas, Texas where a
>> woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
>> entrance is a description of how the store operates: "You may visit
>> the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the
>> men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a
>> catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor or you may
>> choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit
>> the building!"
>>
>> So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first
>> floor the sign on the door reads "Floor 1 - These men have jobs." The
>> second floor sign reads: "Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love
>> kids."
>>
>> The third floor sign reads: "Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids,
>> and are extremely good-looking." "Wow," she thinks, but feels
>> compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and reads the
>> sign: "Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead
>> good-looking and help with the housework."
>>
>> "Oh! Mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
>> Still, she goes to the fifth floor. The sign reads, "Floor 5 - These
>> men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the
>> housework, and have a strong romantic streak."
>>
>> She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor. The sign
>> reads, "You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
>> this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
>> impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
>>
>> Watch your step as you exit the building and have a nice day!"
>>
>>
>
>
>

picture ,funny signs

joke, A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."

"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

Let's see yours bro.........

joke, poor guy

Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

how to get a girl to be your girlfriend

Some people think that you can use just about any pick-up line to get a girl. Unfortunately it's much deeper than that. Read these easy steps and you are on your way to finding that perfect girl.

Courage. Most boys or some boys have a problem with speaking to the opposite sex. Actually, speaking to a girl is easy enough. Just shut out that little voice that says you can't do it. You can do it.

Style. Most girls won't date a dirty, grungy, ugly dude. Take into account what she seems to like based on her own style, but don't totally ignore your own personal preferences just to impress her. Fix yourself up. Comb or brush your hair. Take a shower. Brush your teeth. Smell good. Keep your own style. If it's a bit off, make jokes about it. Let her know when you know something is off or different, but that it's just a part of you. Don't change it: she might think it's cute. And in all of this please remember to laugh and have fun.

The Approach. You only get one chance at a first impression, so make it good. Don't use any cheesy pick-up lines...those almost never work. First, before approaching a girl do the "Breath Check." This is performed by cupping your hands together over your mouth and breathing into your hands and smelling your breath. Next, walk up to her and talk about how your cousin has the the same earrings as her and after a good conversation ask, "If I asked you to be my girlfriend, would you say yes?". If she says yes, that's good; if she says maybe, that's a yes and she's too shy to say yes or it might mean that she just doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying no; and if she says no, leave her alone and don't worry.

Let her talk. Rember girls love to talk!

Be honest. Remember to say what you feel.

If all else fails, just walk away and be deliberate. Relax, take your time. You'll have plenty more chances to try again with another person. Just make sure you learn from your mistakes!

Don't be a "Backstreet Boy". Girls don't like these guys who wait for the girls to come to them, do it yourself. You are the one that likes the girl, correct?

Ask her to do something nice and "cute". Girls love eating ice cream, going to the beach, or going to amusement parks. Bring her a surprise gift, like flowers or something you know she likes.

Be humble. Yes, although it is good to show your abilities and get some recognition from a girl, many girls dislike it when you act too belligerent, all-mighty, or think you are just too good for your own.

Pay attention to her. See what she likes; her music, her style, and learn about it. No matter what girl, she will always be flattered if you pick up on something she's into.

Communication is #1. If you can't talk comfortably to her, you probably aren't ready to ask her out yet. Get to know her a little first if you can.

comic, style victim

What can I say… maybe I’d voluntarily be a style victim and be a faithful follower of everchanging hairstyles if there is actually something I can do with my hair. So, blessed all of you who can style your hair the Beckham’s way or even to join the style of some bewildered devil from the bottom of hell pit.



Bill: Teeheehee.. there’s always those who fall victim to current hairdo trends. Afro, punk, Beckham…
Tim: But tell me really, Bill… who are the real victims? Them? Or us who has to bear this visual pollutions?
Bill: Well, good question…

tentang sunda, menklasifikasikan sifat orang dari cara dia kentut

berikut nih, klasifikasinya, terjemahan dibawah text bold

Jalma jujur
Jalma nu daek ngaku mun geus hitut

manusia yang jujur
manusia yang mengaku kalau sudah kentut

Jalma teu Jujur
Jalma nu hitut tuluy nyalahkeun batur

manusia pembohong
manuisa yang kalau sudah kentut menyalahkan orang lain

Jalma belegug
Jalma nu nahan hitut mangjam-jam lilana

manusia bodoh
manusia yang menahan kentut berjam-jam lamanya

Jalma nu berwawasan
Jalma nu apal iraha kuduna hitut

manusia yang berwawasan
manusia yang tahu saat tepat kapan kentut

Jalma nu Misterius
Jalma nu hitut tapi batur euweuh nu nyahoeun

manusia misterius
manusia yang kentut tapi orang lain ga ada yang tahu

Jalma nu sok gugup
Jalma nu ujug-ujug nahan hitut mun keur hitut

manusia yang gugup
manusia yang tiba-tiba nahan kentut kalau lagi kentut

Jalma nu Percaya Diri
Jalma nu yakin yen hitutna seungit

jalma yang PD banget
jalma yang yakin kalau kentutnya itu harum sekali

Jalma nu Sadis
Jalma nu hitut bari dibekep ku leungeun tuluy dibekepkeun ka irung batur

manusia sadis (biasanya preman)
manusia yang kalau kentut, kentutnya di bekapkan ke hidung orang lain

Jalma nu Isinan
Jalma nu hitutna teu disada tapi ngarasa isin sorangan

manusia pemalu
manusia yang kalau kentut tak bersuara tapi langsung menutupi mukanya sendiri karena merasa malu.

Jalma nu Strategic
Lamun hitut sok bari seuri ngagak-gak meh nutupan sora hitutna

manusia strategis
kalau kentut suka sambil tertawa terbahak-bahak untuk menutupi suara kentutnya

Jalma nu Bodo
Lamun geus hitut tuluy narik napas keur ngagantian hitutna nu kaluar

manusia bodoh lagi
kalau sudah kentut, terus menarik napas untuk mengganti udara yang sudah keluar

Jalma nu Pedit
Lamun hitut dikaluarkeun saeutik-saeutik nepi ka disada tit..tit..tit...

manusia yang kikir
kalau kentut mengeluarkannya dikit-dikit sampai bersuara tiiit...tit..tiiiit

Jalma nu Sombong
Jalma nu sok ngambeuan hitutna sorangan

jalma sombong
kalu kentut suka mencium bau kentutnya sendiri

Jalma nu ramah
Jalma nu sok resep ngambeuan hitut batur

manusia ramah
manusia yang suka mencium kentut orang lain

Jalma nu tara gaul
Mun hitut sok bari nyumput

manusia penyendiri-kuper
kalau kentut suka sambil sembunyi

Jalma nu Sakti
Mun hitut bari make tanaga dalem nepi ka nu ngambeu pingsan

manusia sakti
kalau kentut suka memakai tenaga dalam sampai yang mencium pingsan

Jalma nu pinter
Jalma nu bisa nyirian hitut batur

manusia pintar
manusia yang bisa tahu jenis kentut orang lain

Jalma nu sial
Mun hitut kaluar jeung bukur-bukurna.

manuisa sial
kalau kentut keluar dengan isi-isinya,,,,

=))